About three semesters ago, I met this very complex
individual from one of the modules I was taking. This guy (let us call him
ICM), was Indonesian Chinese Muslim. So he was born in Indonesia, his ethnicity
was Chinese and Islam was his religion. Together with him, we had to work on a
project with another Singaporean guy who a very staunch Christian (let us call
him Guy). Being guys, we managed to click quite well and easily. But one day
something happened, and it kind of broke the relationship between ICM and Guy.
We had just finished a project meeting and we decided to go
for lunch together. We knew that ICM was Muslim so we were finding food places
that were ‘halal’. To our surprise, ICM told us that we could go to any food
place just also long as they did not serve pork or lard. He told us that he
could eat food that was not certified ‘halal’ which is even prepared by
non-Muslims. Although I was kind of surprised, I felt that it made our decision
so much easier so I did not bother much about it. Guy on the other hand was
flabbergasted and could not believe what he had heard. Guy asked ICM if he was
a true Muslim or was just a Muslim so that his family could do business in
Indonesia. At that ICM became a little defensive but still managed to tell Guy
in a nice tone that he believed in Islam.
But Guy still was not satisfied. He went on to question ICM,
asking him if he knew what ‘halal’ and ‘haram’ was? ICM told Guy that he knew
what it was, but Guy believed that he did not, so he began to explain it to
him. Guy said that besides pork and lard, food was considered ‘halal’ only if
they were killed mercifully and that if the shop did not have the ‘halal’ sign,
he should not eat there as he would be committing an act of sin. At this, ICM
got very angry and told Guy to ‘F*** off’. Then Guy got angry and they actually
started quarrelling, and eventually we went our separate ways without having
lunch. After that incident, Guy and ICM rarely spoke and it was very awkward
for me.
I understand where Guy was coming from. Being a very staunch
Christian, he believed that ICM should do as what the Muslims in Singapore are
doing, which is to only consume food that was labelled ‘halal’. But according
to ICM, it is perfectly fine, as in Indonesia, not every shop which serves ‘halal’
food has the ‘halal’ sign. I think Guy should have tried to understand this
fact and not impose that ICM follows our Muslim culture here in Singapore. I
felt that Guy was also rude about the comments he made and he should rephrase
them so it would not be very offensive.
What do you guys think?
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ReplyDeleteI deleted my comment because it was longer than your post! Anyway,Guy should meet me then. I don't have a faith, but basically people expect me to have one.
ReplyDeleteI can relate to your story because I basically do whatever I want, and I always get the same surprised reaction. People who've known me for some time wouldn't be. I will often briefly explain to the newcomers, then we just go on with our lives. I'm lucky I haven't met someone as obnoxious as Guy. ICM indeed is a complex individual, and I too, would be mad if asked an extremely rude question like that. Guy sounds really annoying.
The question Guy asked about religion to help business was just extremely rude. I thought it was even ruder that he tried to explain the terms to ICM. He should have instead just respected ICM's decision, whatever it was. I think it's not just a matter of intercultural understanding, but a matter of personal attitude. I think people should be able to make their own choices in life without questioning from others, and other people should just respect them.
Did ICM tell Guy about the situation in Indonesia? It isn't as strict in Indonesia probably due to the predominantly Muslim population, so almost everywhere that doesn't serve pork or lard could be considered halal. Being used to this, they adopt a more relaxed attitude about the shops they patronise having a certificate.
Guy was very rude.
I think maybe because he is of strong faith, he expects others of faith to be as strict in it as he is. But it's not faith which caused him to behave the way he did. I think it's a matter of his own personal outlook and his was just narrow. I have very religious friends who never made the state I am in into an issue.
To me, faith is an 'opinion', so maybe to some extent it does count. As opinions go,sometimes when you believe so much in something, it is easy to put down or disbelieve other points of views. In the case of Guy, he was used to Muslims only eating food from halal certified places, so he thought they all do and therefore should only eat at those places.
I think it is important for one to remain open-minded, and to learn to see and try to understand other points of views. I think only then you can successful with all the differing personalities you are bound to meet.
It is probably easier said than done, as opinions once strongly formed, such as those of Guy's, can be hard to dislodge to make way for the opinions of others. I think if you've been brought up in one way or used to one school of thought, it can be hard to be open to others.
To avoid ignorance on our part,it is important that we never get stuck in one school of thought, and for that we need to keep learning, be open, and have lots exposure to life outside our own! Guy probably wasn't very exposed to other cultures or the opinions of others and was probably living in his own world.
The world is a great place with so many different kinds of people! I think it would be a real waste to close ourselves off instead of taking the opportunity to learn about and understand these differences. Guy should learn to be more open-minded and tolerant. I actually really think he has friends who might be exactly the same way he is, so they are all just in their own little world, hence the intolerance. Are you one of them Elisha?haha. He should make more friends, perhaps then he would learn a thing or two about tolerance, acceptance and being open:)
But then again, it is not an excuse to be so rude!
Diana
I agree with Diana that faith is entirely personal and that in most social circle all over the world, it's really quite impolite to question someone's faith because its's entirely their prerogative to practise any brand of any faith that they are convinced about, or none at all. For our purpose, in Professional Communication- particualrly in workplace contexts- it's adefinite 'no-no' to quiz someone about his/ her faith.
ReplyDeleteReally interesting post Elishae! It's interesting that Guy is so closed-minded for someone so educated, and that he should bluntly impose his ideals on what he thinks is "right" on ICM, though they are not really close friends.
ReplyDeleteDiana is right to highlight the part about Indonesia being more lax because of the predominantly Muslim population. There are indeed many layers and degrees to what constitutes a "Muslim" and I have friends who are Muslims and don't follow how strict Muslims dress or eat. Nonetheless, they're still Muslims, just more modern ones. I hope that ICM could slowly learn to understand or be aware that one can exhibit one's faith differently and it is not up to him to judge or critique, for that will just be undermining another person as an individual and his freedom of choice.